On grandparenting and dominant female meerkats
“Mommy, huwag ka pang mamatay ha, para paglaki ko, makita mo pa ang baby ko.”
Luce and I were watching an Animal Planet program the other night when she blurted these words out. Meerkat Manor just started. The camera showed Daisy, a female meerkat, busy rescuing her cubs, in turns, out of a dig-hole.
I reached across the bed to hug Luce, kissed her right cheek, and assured her, “Oo naman, anak.”
At times, when the two of us talk about babies, I tell Luce, who’s turning 6 later this month, that it will be twenty or more years before she has one of her own. That she has to drink her nightly cups of milk first, study well first, grow older first, before she can be a Mommy herself. We haven’t gotten to the point yet when I have to graphically tell her how babies are made (6-8 more years, then I can explain the biology of it), but she knows how she came out of my womb.
But that night of meerkats and their cubs, it was the first time Luce and I talked about my possible role in her child’s life. She wants me to live through that, seeing her with her baby. I conjured up a beautiful picture of us three - Luce, her baby, and me. I haven’t thought yet how I want to be called by my grandchildren. Perhaps Nanang Faye, as is my mother (Nanang Vilma to Luce) and as was her mother before her (Nanang Atting to the Quitevis grandchildren).
Luce went back to watching the program, while I was left contemplating on being a Nanang when my turn comes. Memories flashed, of Tatang Louy and Nanang Atting, of Lolo Siles and Lola Aida, of the other Lolos and Lolas in my life.
Grandparents and grandchildren have a special bond. I should know. I grew up under the care of Tatang and Nanang. Aged 70 and 65 respectively, Tatang Louy and Nanang Atting took the challenge of rearing their 2-year-old granddaughter. Of course, Auntie Celing and Manang Iyyang did their share in my growth, but Tatang and Nanang served as my parents in Ilocos, since Mommy and Daddy were in far-away Manila.
Tatang would regale me with his stories at night, stories of his youth, of his travels, of his business experiences. He would vividly describe the hardships he had to endure as a poor boy in Naguilian - occasionally missing classes to help his Iniong Dalmas in the field or in the river, but still managing to graduate Salutatorian at the Camangaan Community School. At other times, Tatang will relive his travails as a worker overseas, long before the term “Overseas Filipino Worker” or “OFW” was coined – from his first experiences as a waterboy in a Hawaiian plantation, to his lost period as an “amuyong” in casinos in the mainland, to his inspired years as the Filipino houseboy of a German elderly couple in Chicago. He was such an enthusiastic storyteller, I grew up listening to his stories rather than spending much time in front of the television for the current shows or having my ears glued to the radio for the latest hits.
Nanang may not have been as good a storyteller as Tatang, but she showed me the importance of piety and civic-mindedness. On Sunday mornings, the two of us would go to Vigan, first to hear Mass at the Cathedral or at the Simbaan nga Bassit, and then to the market. Back in Naguilian, she and Tatang were regarded as Barangay elders whom the leaders approach for advise. I saw how involved Nanang was in the activities in Naguilian, and even in nearby Camangaan, the barangay where she originally hailed. As an active member of the Catholic Women’s League, Nanang ably showed me that an Ilocana can be a pious Catholic and a socially-oriented woman at the same time.
I may have grown up with my maternal grandparents, but I also have memories of my paternal grandparents, Lolo Siles and Lola Aida. When I was young, they were in places other than Ilocos Sur, where I was. But I had pictures with them, so we must have seen each other regularly. Then Lolo Siles left for the US, and Lola Aida stayed in Manila.
One of my early, if not my first, experiences with a balikbayan box was that one coming from Lolo. It contained a lot of clothes, and we were told to look into the contents and see if we like anything. The other kids were interested on converting the box into a makeshift house, or car, or whatever “toy” they could conjure up. However, I took interest in a 5-volume set of books, each containing stories in English, the pages filled with colored illustrations. I brought these books back home to Naguilian, to keep me company for years and years. There in Naguilian, they still lie, in my closet, waiting for me to give them new life. Soon, they will be given a new lease in life, along with my other childhood books from which I learned a lot of lessons. I have promised Luce that the next time we go home to Naguilian, we will take my books with me, as these will then be hers. And hopefully, she’ll enjoy them as much, if not much more, as I did.
While Lolo introduced me to books, Lola Aida showed me the beauty of keeping home and being a mother and lola. I knew she was a Teacher, but never saw her in a classroom setting. Instead, she was the loving Lola who would make me and my brother, Keith, feel comfortable in our occasional overnight stays at Sta. Mesa. I think I had my first taste of fresh pineapple, newly pared, from her dining table. One thing I’m sure of, I had my first read of Tagalog-language komiks from her weekly collection!
Years later, Lolo and Lola would be reunited in the States, and they will send us letters and cards. In these letters, they would tell us their stories, their memories. More often, it will be Lolo Siles who would primarily write, with his letters containing corrections on several errors, a spelling here, a grammar there. The corrections adding characters to the letters were likely made by Lola Aida, ever the teacher even in faraway America.
Lolo’s recurring theme in his stories will be his younger days back home in Narra, San Fernando, La Union. With unmasked pride, he’d boast how a young boy pasturing carabao in a farflung “away” or barrio would be able to rise from poverty and eventually become a School Superintendent. And boosted with the Flores brand of pride, he’d further write about his machismo for being able to get a Teacher for a second wife, despite his being a widower with two young boys. Lolo’s stories would have been awe-inspiring, bordering on greatness, if not for Lola’s properly-situated asides in the borders of their letters.
Come to think of it, both my grandfathers were great storytellers! One finished grade seven while the other became a School Superintendent, yet both possessed the ability to sustain magic in sharing the stories of their youth. And both my grandmothers proved to be their able partners, co-equals in raising their respective families. Three of them may have gone to heaven, and Lola Aida coping with her Alzheimer’s in the States, but their memories are always in my heart.
I am fortunate that I grew up in a three-generation household and was exposed to the wisdom of my grandparents. I try to simulate this with Luce, by letting her spend time with her Nanay Mancing, Nanang Vilma, and Owwo Ely, creating memories which, I hope, she’ll remember as she grows older. And when my time comes to be a grandparent to her child, I will make it a point to give them memorable moments to cherish long before I’m gone.
Meerkat Manor shows a colony of meerkats headed by a dominant female. In that night’s particular episode, the dominant female was a meerkat other than Daisy. Thus, she was faced with the problem of taking care of her cubs, marked unwanted by the colony for being the cubs of a female other than the dominant one. At the end of the episode, divided between rearing her two rescued cubs on her own or surviving the harsh Kalahari desert with her colony, Daisy chose survival over maternal instincts.
“Naiwan ang babies niya? Bakit naman? Kawawa naman. Bad ba siya?” Luce asked me, unable to grasp that a mother would leave her babies on their own.
“Ganyan ang ilang animals,” I tell her, hugging her at the same time. “Pero tao tayo, iba tayo.”
I will be there when Luce has her own baby. And Luce's baby and I will share that special bond between grandparent and grandchild.
Luce and I were watching an Animal Planet program the other night when she blurted these words out. Meerkat Manor just started. The camera showed Daisy, a female meerkat, busy rescuing her cubs, in turns, out of a dig-hole.
I reached across the bed to hug Luce, kissed her right cheek, and assured her, “Oo naman, anak.”
At times, when the two of us talk about babies, I tell Luce, who’s turning 6 later this month, that it will be twenty or more years before she has one of her own. That she has to drink her nightly cups of milk first, study well first, grow older first, before she can be a Mommy herself. We haven’t gotten to the point yet when I have to graphically tell her how babies are made (6-8 more years, then I can explain the biology of it), but she knows how she came out of my womb.
But that night of meerkats and their cubs, it was the first time Luce and I talked about my possible role in her child’s life. She wants me to live through that, seeing her with her baby. I conjured up a beautiful picture of us three - Luce, her baby, and me. I haven’t thought yet how I want to be called by my grandchildren. Perhaps Nanang Faye, as is my mother (Nanang Vilma to Luce) and as was her mother before her (Nanang Atting to the Quitevis grandchildren).
Luce went back to watching the program, while I was left contemplating on being a Nanang when my turn comes. Memories flashed, of Tatang Louy and Nanang Atting, of Lolo Siles and Lola Aida, of the other Lolos and Lolas in my life.
Grandparents and grandchildren have a special bond. I should know. I grew up under the care of Tatang and Nanang. Aged 70 and 65 respectively, Tatang Louy and Nanang Atting took the challenge of rearing their 2-year-old granddaughter. Of course, Auntie Celing and Manang Iyyang did their share in my growth, but Tatang and Nanang served as my parents in Ilocos, since Mommy and Daddy were in far-away Manila.
Tatang would regale me with his stories at night, stories of his youth, of his travels, of his business experiences. He would vividly describe the hardships he had to endure as a poor boy in Naguilian - occasionally missing classes to help his Iniong Dalmas in the field or in the river, but still managing to graduate Salutatorian at the Camangaan Community School. At other times, Tatang will relive his travails as a worker overseas, long before the term “Overseas Filipino Worker” or “OFW” was coined – from his first experiences as a waterboy in a Hawaiian plantation, to his lost period as an “amuyong” in casinos in the mainland, to his inspired years as the Filipino houseboy of a German elderly couple in Chicago. He was such an enthusiastic storyteller, I grew up listening to his stories rather than spending much time in front of the television for the current shows or having my ears glued to the radio for the latest hits.
Nanang may not have been as good a storyteller as Tatang, but she showed me the importance of piety and civic-mindedness. On Sunday mornings, the two of us would go to Vigan, first to hear Mass at the Cathedral or at the Simbaan nga Bassit, and then to the market. Back in Naguilian, she and Tatang were regarded as Barangay elders whom the leaders approach for advise. I saw how involved Nanang was in the activities in Naguilian, and even in nearby Camangaan, the barangay where she originally hailed. As an active member of the Catholic Women’s League, Nanang ably showed me that an Ilocana can be a pious Catholic and a socially-oriented woman at the same time.
I may have grown up with my maternal grandparents, but I also have memories of my paternal grandparents, Lolo Siles and Lola Aida. When I was young, they were in places other than Ilocos Sur, where I was. But I had pictures with them, so we must have seen each other regularly. Then Lolo Siles left for the US, and Lola Aida stayed in Manila.
One of my early, if not my first, experiences with a balikbayan box was that one coming from Lolo. It contained a lot of clothes, and we were told to look into the contents and see if we like anything. The other kids were interested on converting the box into a makeshift house, or car, or whatever “toy” they could conjure up. However, I took interest in a 5-volume set of books, each containing stories in English, the pages filled with colored illustrations. I brought these books back home to Naguilian, to keep me company for years and years. There in Naguilian, they still lie, in my closet, waiting for me to give them new life. Soon, they will be given a new lease in life, along with my other childhood books from which I learned a lot of lessons. I have promised Luce that the next time we go home to Naguilian, we will take my books with me, as these will then be hers. And hopefully, she’ll enjoy them as much, if not much more, as I did.
While Lolo introduced me to books, Lola Aida showed me the beauty of keeping home and being a mother and lola. I knew she was a Teacher, but never saw her in a classroom setting. Instead, she was the loving Lola who would make me and my brother, Keith, feel comfortable in our occasional overnight stays at Sta. Mesa. I think I had my first taste of fresh pineapple, newly pared, from her dining table. One thing I’m sure of, I had my first read of Tagalog-language komiks from her weekly collection!
Years later, Lolo and Lola would be reunited in the States, and they will send us letters and cards. In these letters, they would tell us their stories, their memories. More often, it will be Lolo Siles who would primarily write, with his letters containing corrections on several errors, a spelling here, a grammar there. The corrections adding characters to the letters were likely made by Lola Aida, ever the teacher even in faraway America.
Lolo’s recurring theme in his stories will be his younger days back home in Narra, San Fernando, La Union. With unmasked pride, he’d boast how a young boy pasturing carabao in a farflung “away” or barrio would be able to rise from poverty and eventually become a School Superintendent. And boosted with the Flores brand of pride, he’d further write about his machismo for being able to get a Teacher for a second wife, despite his being a widower with two young boys. Lolo’s stories would have been awe-inspiring, bordering on greatness, if not for Lola’s properly-situated asides in the borders of their letters.
Come to think of it, both my grandfathers were great storytellers! One finished grade seven while the other became a School Superintendent, yet both possessed the ability to sustain magic in sharing the stories of their youth. And both my grandmothers proved to be their able partners, co-equals in raising their respective families. Three of them may have gone to heaven, and Lola Aida coping with her Alzheimer’s in the States, but their memories are always in my heart.
I am fortunate that I grew up in a three-generation household and was exposed to the wisdom of my grandparents. I try to simulate this with Luce, by letting her spend time with her Nanay Mancing, Nanang Vilma, and Owwo Ely, creating memories which, I hope, she’ll remember as she grows older. And when my time comes to be a grandparent to her child, I will make it a point to give them memorable moments to cherish long before I’m gone.
Meerkat Manor shows a colony of meerkats headed by a dominant female. In that night’s particular episode, the dominant female was a meerkat other than Daisy. Thus, she was faced with the problem of taking care of her cubs, marked unwanted by the colony for being the cubs of a female other than the dominant one. At the end of the episode, divided between rearing her two rescued cubs on her own or surviving the harsh Kalahari desert with her colony, Daisy chose survival over maternal instincts.
“Naiwan ang babies niya? Bakit naman? Kawawa naman. Bad ba siya?” Luce asked me, unable to grasp that a mother would leave her babies on their own.
“Ganyan ang ilang animals,” I tell her, hugging her at the same time. “Pero tao tayo, iba tayo.”
I will be there when Luce has her own baby. And Luce's baby and I will share that special bond between grandparent and grandchild.
posted by Faye | 10:44:00 AM
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